If you have ever paused mid-sentence wondering whether to say disappointed in or with, you are in good company—this small preposition choice trips up learners and native speakers alike. The good news is that the rule is easier than it looks. In this guide you will learn exactly when each version fits, see plenty of real-life examples, and pick up a few extras that most articles skip. By the end, you will choose confidently every time.
Disappointed In or With: The Quick Answer
Both phrases are correct English, but they lean in slightly different directions. Native speakers use disappointed in when let down by a person, their character, or their behaviour. They use disappointed with when let down by a thing, result, or experience.
Here is the shortcut to remember: think “in people, with things.” Because feelings overlap, you will sometimes hear either one—yet this simple test keeps you sounding natural in almost every situation.
- Disappointed in → people and their conduct (a friend, a leader, yourself).
- Disappointed with → objects, outcomes, and events (a phone, a score, a hotel).
When to Use “Disappointed In”
Choose disappointed in when someone’s actions fall short of what you expected. The feeling is personal and often carries a hint of moral judgement. You are not upset about a broken gadget; you are let down by a human being.
Notice how each example below points at a person or their choices:
- “I’m really disappointed in you for lying to your teacher.”
- “Voters felt disappointed in the mayor after the broken promise.”
- “She was disappointed in herself for missing the deadline.”
That last example matters. When you turn the feeling inward, English almost always prefers “disappointed in myself,” not “disappointed with myself.” Keep this pattern handy for self-reflection.
When to Use “Disappointed With”
Reach for disappointed with when a product, result, or experience does not meet your hopes. Here the focus shifts from character to quality. You are evaluating a thing, so the emotion feels more practical than personal.
Compare these everyday sentences:
- “We were disappointed with the hotel—the pool was closed all week.”
- “He felt disappointed with his exam results despite studying hard.”
- “Customers were disappointed with the new update’s slow speed.”
Because most complaints in daily life involve services and products, disappointed with is arguably the more common of the two in casual conversation. When in doubt about an object, “with” is your safest bet.
What About “Disappointed By,” “About,” and “At”?
The debate over disappointed in or with often ignores three other useful options. Adding them to your toolkit makes your English richer and more precise.
Disappointed by highlights the cause of the letdown, and it works smoothly in the passive voice. For example: “I was disappointed by the film’s weak ending.” According to the Cambridge Dictionary, “by” naturally introduces the agent that triggered the emotion.
Disappointed about refers to a situation or piece of news: “She was disappointed about the cancelled trip.” Disappointed at is more formal and usually pairs with a specific action or moment: “He was disappointed at the lack of support.”
Comparison Table: In vs With vs By vs About
This table sums up the whole family of prepositions so you can scan and choose fast.
| Preposition | Best For | Example | Tone |
|---|---|---|---|
| disappointed in | People, character, behaviour | “I’m disappointed in him.” | Personal, judgemental |
| disappointed with | Things, results, experiences | “I’m disappointed with the meal.” | Practical, evaluative |
| disappointed by | The cause / passive voice | “I was disappointed by the news.” | Neutral, formal-friendly |
| disappointed about | Situations, events, news | “She’s disappointed about the delay.” | Conversational |
| disappointed at | Specific actions, formal use | “We’re disappointed at the decision.” | Formal |
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Even confident speakers stumble here. Watch out for these frequent slip-ups when deciding between disappointed in or with.
- Using “with” for a person’s character. “I’m disappointed with my brother” sounds odd if you mean his behaviour let you down—say “disappointed in” instead.
- Using “in” for a product. “I’m disappointed in this laptop” is unusual; “disappointed with this laptop” is far more natural.
- Forgetting the reflexive rule. Always prefer “disappointed in myself” over “disappointed with myself.”
- Overusing “at.” It works, but in casual chat it can sound stiff. Save it for formal writing.
Real Conversation Examples Side by Side
Seeing both options in matching contexts makes the difference click. The table below pairs a “person” version with a “thing” version so you feel the shift instantly.
| Situation | Disappointed In (person) | Disappointed With (thing) |
|---|---|---|
| A restaurant visit | “I’m disappointed in the waiter’s rudeness.” | “I’m disappointed with the food.” |
| A workplace | “The boss is disappointed in the team’s honesty.” | “The boss is disappointed with the sales figures.” |
| School | “Parents felt disappointed in the coach.” | “Students felt disappointed with the grades.” |
| Technology | “Fans were disappointed in the CEO’s excuse.” | “Fans were disappointed with the phone’s battery.” |
Read the pairs aloud. Hearing the rhythm of each preposition builds instinct faster than memorising rules, and speaking with a tutor accelerates that instinct even more. You can practise these exact patterns in a live lesson with The Cognitio.
A Pro Tip Most Guides Skip
Here is an original shortcut from years of teaching: ask yourself, “Could I add the word behaviour after this?” If “disappointed in his behaviour” makes sense, use in. If you would rather add “the quality of,” use with. This quick mental swap resolves almost every tricky case in under a second.
For deeper study, our English grammar blog breaks down more confusing preposition pairs, and you can also review the wider grammar of prepositions on Wikipedia for extra context.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it grammatically correct to say “disappointed with a person”?
Yes, it is grammatically correct, but it changes the nuance. “Disappointed with a person” usually points at something measurable, such as their performance. When you mean their character or morals, “disappointed in” sounds far more natural to native ears.
Which is more common, disappointed in or with?
Both appear often, yet “disappointed with” edges ahead in everyday speech because we complain about products, services, and results more than about people. “Disappointed in” stays reserved for personal letdowns and self-reflection.
Can I use “disappointed in or with” the same result?
For a result, choose “disappointed with,” as in “disappointed with the outcome.” Use “disappointed in” only if you are criticising the person responsible for that result, not the result itself.
What preposition follows disappointed before a verb?
Use the infinitive with “to”: “I was disappointed to hear the news.” Alternatively, use “that” for a clause: “I was disappointed that you left early.” Neither uses “in” or “with” before the verb.
Final Takeaway
Mastering disappointed in or with comes down to one friendly rule: in people, with things. Add “by,” “about,” and “at” for extra precision, dodge the common mistakes, and read the examples aloud until the choice feels automatic. Small preposition wins like this one make your English sound polished and confident.
Ready to stop second-guessing tricky phrases like disappointed in or with? Book a friendly language tutor with The Cognitio today and turn confusing grammar into effortless, natural speech.